Wednesday, November 16, 2005

The Path Here

I was thinking about the things I'd like O to know...and how much of my story to share with him. Truth be told, I never wanted children. Not because I didn't like them, but because I feared that I would not be a good mother...

One day, as I finished listening to Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now for a second time, I sat in my dining room and cried. Tears of joy for happiness that I had never felt. It was a great moment...and soon after I decided I did indeed want a child. "I am not my mother", was the basic enlightened silly and obvious as it sounds...I had a difficult time accepting this reality...I believe I feared the opposite.

I was 37 years old.

I am grateful for coming into motherhood at a "later" age...I am inclined to believe that this will give me an "up" on parenting...I have done a lot of repair to my spirit...I have thought a lot about what kind of mother I want to it's simplest terms, the mother O needs.

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